Oh hello, I didn't see you there

Hello. If I have linked you to this page, it is because you have asked for some background information and associated media on me for your conference/meetup/children’s birthday party. Because someone once asked me for this stuff, and because I don’t want to have to go through it again, I spent twenty minutes awkwardly making this page.

The photo

If you need a photo of me for whatever crazy thing you are doing, feel free to pick one from the selection below (right-click and “save link” or just click it and save it). Please note that putting fake mustaches, silly hats, long eyelashes, filters and various other accoutrements on the photos is not only allowed, but encouraged.

My face
Use this one if you're planning on catfishing minors on dating websites
Please use this one, please
I'm not even in this one but it captures me the best

Photos of me in various compromising poses (as well as other blackmail material) are also available on request.

The bio

Please note that I am deeply uncomfortable writing bios of myself, so they never come out well. That having been said, here is a heavily-vetted bio that someone else has wrote for me after receiving ample payment:

Stavros is a software developer, security enthusiast and maker. He has been programming for twenty years, and he has a soft spot for privacy and cryptography. His hobbies include photography and complaining. He has strong opinions on things and is not afraid to share them, even when not solicited.

If you need anything else, please let me know, and good luck, because you can’t have gone into this willingly.