You know the problem: You’re driving through winding city streets, minding your own business, immersed in your thoughts about the kind of poor road planning that leads to a city having winding streets. Suddenly, what you can only assume is an inconsiderate, egotistic driver who revels in causing mild annoyance to everyone around them rudely cuts you off.
What can you do?
Pretty much the only recourse is available to you is to honk your horn at him, hoping he gets the exact meaning behind your honks. This, however, has always struck me as a crude and uncouth instrument. My elaborate, intricate feelings towards which exact plague should befall him are too nuanced for a simple horn to express.
I needed something more. Something succinct, yet expressive. Something complex, yet simple. Something unique, yet recognizable.
Luckily, someone solved the problem long before me:
Emojis were the perfect solution to a pervasive problem. Why restrict yourself to the monotone drone of a horn, where nobody can tell if you’re angry, or sad, or happy, or thankful, or elated, or, indeed, wistful with a sense of nostalgic melancholy? Emojis could easily represent all the above emotions, and even such complex notions as “Eye in speech bubble” effortlessly.
What if I could print some emojis and have them around the car for communicating with other drivers on the road? I decided then and there that I would do just that.
I ran to the printer’s, and had them print a series of large emojis. They asked me a few questions, such as what size I wanted them, whether I wanted them cut, and whether they were for a party, and I said 20x20cm, yes, and none of your business, and I was on my way with a set of beautiful emojis, ready for all my driving needs.
In the next few days, I drove around the city, flashing my emojis to any driver thoughtless enough to drive near me. Poops, hearts, claps, they got it all.
I have to say, the emojis were fairly well received. That is to say, I didn’t get a single beating while using them. Granted, I was too afraid to use the poop emoji, but the heart and the angry emoji both got lots of honking. I can’t be sure about what the honking meant (other drivers really need some sort of communication system that’s better than a simple horn), but they seemed enthusiastic enough, leading me to conclude that the experiment was an unmitigated success.
From the reactions I saw, I can only surmise that other drivers were eminently jealous of my emojis, and would want them for themselves. Perhaps I will try to market these as a unique driving tool, on par with turn indicators and brake lights. I truly believe these are an indispensable arrow in every driver’s quiver, and will be marketed as such.
That’s about it for this revolutionary new invention. I feel like it doesn’t need much explanation, as it was designed to be maximally intuitive and understandable at a glance, and I think it has achieved its goal, and then some.
I will continue using these and communicating my detailed mental state at any moment to other drivers, and hopefully I will see their usage spread like wildfire around the world.